


I Am Your Monster

by JaykMoon33



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon), steven universe future - Fandom
Genre: /, Also I’m sorry I don’t know how to write lyrics, COVID-19, Comfort, Fuck the Crystal Gems, Hurt, If you want something done your way do it yourself, Mother and son moment, SU is over and now I am depressed, Spoilers for Episode 19, i just wanted to write this, no flames to Rebecca I just wanted to write my own version lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:07:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23352946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaykMoon33/pseuds/JaykMoon33
Summary: “I owe you an honest apology, Steven.”SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 19
Relationships: Steven Universe & Rose Quartz|Pink Diamond
Comments: 10
Kudos: 76





	I Am Your Monster

Being corrupted was an experience Steven would’ve preferred not to experience. It was a new form of pain that felt wrong in all the wrong ways. He didn't feel real in the slightest and instead found himself trapped in his own mind, separate from the corrupted monster he had become.

His mind had taken the form of Rose’s room in the temple. Or Pink Diamond’s room. Or whoever his mom really was.

He felt his anger spike again. The mixture of guilt and sorrow and pure roaring anger felt too big for his body. He wanted to tear his skin open just so that he didn’t feel the need to burst.

”This is a terrible first meeting, honestly.”

Steven knew that voice. It stuck at the back of his mind yelling in unison with him. He turned to see behind him his mother. Pink Diamond.

However she looked more like Rose Quartz. She was shorter and wore Rose’s dress. However the look of soft remorse is what struck Steven the hardest.

”Mom...” he said, all varieties of emotions crawling over him. “What...how...?”

”Pretty neat, huh?” his mom said. “I never thought I’d be able to properly meet you. Shane it had to be like this.”

Steven glared at her bitterly before looking away from her. “It’s your fault. It’s all your fault, really.”

He glanced up at her to see her reaction. His mom seemed surprisingly unfazed by his anger. If anything, she seemed understanding; something Steven had long been alienated to.

”I made a terrible mistake in hindsight.” she admitted. “When I became a part of you I didn’t realize that meant the good AND the bad. My mistakes. My problems that I ran away from. I never imagined what it would do to you. But, regardless of my intentions and what I wanted for you, you were hurt in the end.”

Steven actually faltered for a moment. She seemed so calm and content while saying all this despite everything. It began to disturb Steven.

”It...It isn’t really all your fault, I guess.” he said. “It was a team effort on everyone’s part.”

His mom laughed at that and for a moment a brief sense of calm and relief washed over Steven.

”Really, can you blame anyone?” she asked, her laughter dying down. “I mean genuinely. We all had our reasons and flaws but blame and fault don’t really do much to help anyone in the end.”

Steven grimaced. “You did do a lot of bad things though.”

”Oh of course I did.” his mom said. “Everyone has. All of your friends, your enemies, even you!”

Steven shrunk. The memory of him shattering Jasper and trying to shatter White Diamond came to mind.

”Yeah. Yeah I guess you’re right.” he mumbled. “But, doesn’t that make me a bad person? Make us ALL bad people?”

”Doing bad things and being a bad person are two different things, Steven.” his mom said, smiling softly at him. “I know it doesn’t feel like it but you’re the one that taught me that.”

Steven felt his eyes turn hot and wet, brimming with tears. He wiped his face violently and silently berated himself for falling apart so easily. He didn’t notice his mother coming up to stand beside him or the presence of thousands of white butterflies appear.

”I owe you and honest apology, Steven.” she said softly. Steven felt panic rise in him and he turned to his mother to convince her otherwise almost out of pure instinct but she put up a hand, stopping him.

”Remember how I said blame was useless?” she said. “That doesn’t change that I at least owe you the apology you’ve been looking for. I am sorry that my actions affected you in more negative ways than positive and if I could do things differently for your sake I would.”

Steven swore his heart stopped. He finally tipped over the edge and let out a choked sob. His mom gently put a hand on his shoulder as he fought his tears.

”I regret what I’ve done and everything that has happened to you.” she said softly. “I don’t need to blame myself and wallow in self pity to do that. My actions were my own and I can take responsibility without playing the blame game.”

Steven then felt a series of sobs crawl up his throat and couldn’t find it in himself to fight against it.

”I-It’s not your fault!” he choked out. “I’m sorry, I was just - mad! And - and - ”

”Steven.” his mother interrupted, wiping his face. “It’s not _your_ fault either.”

Steven collapsed into his mom’s arms, wracking sobs finally overtaking his body as he clung to her and let out every emotion he could until he couldn’t cry anymore, the butterfly swarm going into a mad frenzy that felt like a makeshift hurricane of emotions and thoughts. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been crying and was pretty sure he’d slowed down time again. All the while his mom gently rubbed his back and silently soothed him.

Finally he calmed down but more so from being too tired to feel anything anymore. The swarm of butterflies that had surrounded them landed on the floor and on them, also out of breath and beyond tired.

He almost didn’t notice his mother start singing.

” _Here comes a thought; that might alarm you. What you had said; and how it harmed you. Something you did; that was far from charming. All of these things; they start swarming._

” _Oh; you’re losing sight. You’re losing touch. All these little things seem to matter so much. That they break through you._

” _And I have lost you._

” _Take a moment; remind yourself. Take a moment to find yourself. Take a moment and ask yourself “Is this how I will fall apart?”_

” _It is not; it is not; it is not; it is not; it is not. It’s not okay; not today; but maybe...maybe someday._

” _Your fear, it is here, yes my dear, but so am I._ ”

His mom pulled him close, kissing his forehead gingerly.

” _I’m here; I’m here; I’m here._ ”

Steven let out a long, shaky breath. He curled into his mom and let himself feel weak for the first time he could remember.

”When did the world become so heavy?” he asked sadly.

”When we took it onto our shoulders, I think.” his mom replied honestly. Steven looked up at her, desperate for comfort or stability of any sort.

”Hey mom?” he asked, voice warbling. “I don’t want to not be a part of you or anything, but...can I be just Steven?”

His mom smiled down at him warmly, cupping his face and rubbing the leftover tears away.

”That is all you ever have to be, Steven.”

Everything collapsed into place. For the first time in he doesn’t remember Steven became lighter than air and relaxed. He felt himself fall back into his body, both he and his mom becoming one again.

He came back as just Steven.

**Author's Note:**

> NO FLAMES TO REBECCA OR THE SHOW WRITERS. I just wanted to write this because it’s the ending I wanted. I’m also coping with SU being over so HERE.
> 
> Also I wanted to explore a more mature Pink Diamond|Rose Quartz so...0_0 — Here.


End file.
